I came back. I returned to mend my broken heart, to get strong in the place where I grew up, where everything was familiar and comforting. And it was hard. I was destroyed. The old me was gone, somebody stepped all over it for 6 years. In the last few months in NY, whatever was left of my ego was squashed like a bug. My little baby girl was the only thing that kept me together. I had to take care of her. And to take care of her I had to take care of myself.
Back home I already made the most difficult move, to get out of an existence that was annihilating my soul. I was strong, I did it. Everybody was congratulating me but I felt lost, tired and worthless.
I spent some more money on a short vacation with family I had not seen in ages. That encounter healed my soul and made me focus. I had to stand up for myself, I had to attend to my needs and find a way to attend to my daughter’s needs.
In September, I started a job with an old friend. The conditions were not “ideal” but I needed to start somewhere. He didn’t pay me for two months. For the first time in my life, I snapped without thinking about the consequences. I lost a friend. Who cares? Just another loss. No vampires were going to suck me dry anymore.
November found me centered on myself and a new job. I lost weigh. Lots of it. Around 20 pounds total. I was looking good and I started to gain some long lost self esteem. Yay me! But just a few weeks later, cutting budgets made my new job disappear. Tough luck, you chose the worst time to come back. Crisis started every headline on the paper. But in the end, one door closes and one window opens.
In February I start temping. The company is good. The job is something I have never done before. I love it because it brings up the idea of a new career path, something interesting and cool. I really do not know how long I am going to be here but I seize the moment. Things start to stabilize.
April arrives and it seems the universe is conspiring on my side once again… After nine months away, I have to return to NY for a short visit. I am dying to see my old friends, show my new and improved self. Can’t wait to see my pretty city at the other side of the Hudson. But then destiny throws in a wild card. As the song says, Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun. Or is it?
Back home I already made the most difficult move, to get out of an existence that was annihilating my soul. I was strong, I did it. Everybody was congratulating me but I felt lost, tired and worthless.
I spent some more money on a short vacation with family I had not seen in ages. That encounter healed my soul and made me focus. I had to stand up for myself, I had to attend to my needs and find a way to attend to my daughter’s needs.
In September, I started a job with an old friend. The conditions were not “ideal” but I needed to start somewhere. He didn’t pay me for two months. For the first time in my life, I snapped without thinking about the consequences. I lost a friend. Who cares? Just another loss. No vampires were going to suck me dry anymore.
November found me centered on myself and a new job. I lost weigh. Lots of it. Around 20 pounds total. I was looking good and I started to gain some long lost self esteem. Yay me! But just a few weeks later, cutting budgets made my new job disappear. Tough luck, you chose the worst time to come back. Crisis started every headline on the paper. But in the end, one door closes and one window opens.
In February I start temping. The company is good. The job is something I have never done before. I love it because it brings up the idea of a new career path, something interesting and cool. I really do not know how long I am going to be here but I seize the moment. Things start to stabilize.
April arrives and it seems the universe is conspiring on my side once again… After nine months away, I have to return to NY for a short visit. I am dying to see my old friends, show my new and improved self. Can’t wait to see my pretty city at the other side of the Hudson. But then destiny throws in a wild card. As the song says, Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun. Or is it?
Great read! Looking forward to the next installment!
ReplyDeletexoxo,
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