October

A fantabulous night to make romance

'Neath the cover of October skies
._Moondance by Van Morrison

So here I am, freaking out because I have to tell my mom that he is coming. And, although I can’t wait to melt in his arms and “moondance under the October skyes”, the prospect of having a fight with my mom really puts me off. Because, even if I am an adult now, she totally makes me feel like a child. In fact, to her, I’ll always be her child.

One sign that I have grown though is that I am not going to lie. I do not want to lie. If I was 17 and running away for the weekend with a cute guy it may have made sense to lie. But I am 35 and a mom so the prospect of lying is ridiculous. I know I have an obligation towards my daughter and I am also conscious of the respect I owe my mom while living with her. But she has to respect me too, respect my decisions and the freedom I deserve as an adult.

But now that I am a mom myself I can see things through her eyes and I know she will freak out. She will see the story repeated all over again: the foreigner that comes to steal her daughter and to take her far away. Nothing further from the truth because, at this point, we are only “amigos con derecho a roce” (literally “friends with touching/rubbing rights”). But after all, if that happened, I would have my every right to decide what I want to do with my life, as long as it is good for my daughter too. Because I am completely aware that I am not alone, that I cannot lose my head and do something crazy anymore. Because I have an obligation towards my lovely baby girl. She is the only person in this world that I have to respond to. Why am I so afraid of my mom then?