Withdrawal

Don't you know that you are toxic.- Toxic, Britney Spears.

So I decided I would let you go. And right there, my testosterone levels take over and I want to see you again for a full-blown, sex-filled farewell. My hormones are raging and my brain is cornered, mumbling to itself incoherent gibberish. From what I can gather, the poor thing is losing the battle.

“Just one more time, it won’t hurt…” But I know it would. I get more, I want more. I am a total druggie when it comes to you. Our chemistry is so mind-blowing and so strong that I can’t believe you are not affected at all by it. Or maybe you are. I just hope I could be in your head, read what you think. But the only message I get from you is pushing me away but not letting me go. You want me to be free, you even point out I can get whomever I choose but you do still want to have me when you see me. Wow, it sounds horrible spelled out.

However, I fool myself believing that if I stick to it a little bit more then you will show your “true colors.” Because all your arguments sound so contrived, because they do not ring true. Because maybe you see me suffering so far away and you do not want to tie me to something I cannot have. And then the little devil in me kicks in with its own contribution: he lone wolf will find his soul mate, younger and cuter than you, and settle with her. The end of the tale is always the same: bitter me, alone, festering in my own solitude. Nice preview! Duh!

If there was a rehab for broken hearts I would probably be first in line. I am addicted to what you make me feel, you are positively toxic. Withdrawal is way too hard for me. Just give me another dose, just a little one and maybe then I will start listening to my brain. Maybe…