Going on 40...

Ramblings and obsessions of a thirty many year old... Man, time is picking up pace and running for the hills. And now I can almost look at the big 4-0 looking at me in the eye. Where has my life gone? Where are all the dreams I had when I was a teenager? Am I still allowed to dream? Can I still start from zero and hope for the best?

I never really thought my life will look like this at 40. I wish there was more happiness. I also hoped more excitement. Life has become like groundhog day, every day waking up to a day that's like a photocopy of yesterday. And only I can change it. Because I could sit here and wait but waiting is not going to do it.My ass is only going to grow bigger.



It is amazing that from this perch of experience I am starting to realize what I really want from life. And that at this point, even after the disappointments and all the shinny dreams that went down the drain, I still hope everything will turn 180 degrees and I will find myself in that spot, that brilliant spot I always hoped for. Maybe I took the wrong road but I am still able to do a course correction and get back on track. If I can get my fear in check, I can take a big stride and prove that the sky is not even a limit. I can fly!

I might be thirty many, but I still dream like a teenager. And I am allowing myself to feel stuff for the very first time. I am experiencing a renewal of my emotions. I am going to stop looking in all the wrong places, I am going to take life by the horns, change what I do not like, and hope for the best. I will take charge but go with the flow. I will only control what is controllable and put all of me into chasing my future. And with uncontrollable stuff, I just let the current of this massive river take care of me. Drowning is out of question. And fear can kiss my royal Spanish ass.

Let the fireworks begin!